gAssHat

They say it begins with the small things. Maybe by not-so-deftly swiping a Snickers candy bar from the corner grocery. Perhaps it was sneaking a Camel cigarette from dad's crumpled pack. Or by silently sliding that shiny nickel that was sitting on mom's bureau into your grubby jeans pocket.

However it all began, middle school dad Kaveh Kamooneh of Chamblee, GA is well on his way smack into a bunk at the illustrious Folsom Prison as he has no doubt begun a life of crime with a five cent theft of school electricity to recharge his electric car.

According to Channel 11 News in Atlanta, Kamooneh's flimsy excuse of plugging in while waiting for his 11-year-old son to finish playing tennis at Chamblee Middle School didn't wash with wary school officials, who immediately called the cops. Within 20 minutes, Chamblee's finest arrived to bravely confront the shameless criminal.

"He said that he was going to charge me with theft by taking because I was taking power, electricity from the school," Kamooneh said.

It is reported that Kamooneh's Nissan Leaf stood by impassionately while its owner was taken down, still thoughtlessly chugging stolen power until somebody thought to unhook the car from the exterior outlet at the school.

"I'm not sure how much electricity he stole," said Chamblee police Sergeant Ernesto Ford, but quickly added that the point was moot. "He broke the law. He stole something that wasn't his."

Ford chided the arresting officer for not booking Kamooneh on the spot. Instead, the officer merely filed a report. An entire 11 days passed as Ford thoroughly investigated the matter, finally determining with his excellent investigative skills that Kamooneh had in fact not received permission to plug into the school's outlet. After finally arriving at that astounding conclusion, Ford immediately dispatched two deputies to Kamooneh's Decatur home and took him into custody at 8 p.m., no doubt interrupting Kamooneh's favorite TV program but at the same time saving Chamblee's streets from yet another vicious criminal.

Kamooneh spent more than 15 hours cooling his heels in the DeKalb County Jail, giving him ample time to think hard about his life of crime. Kamooneh says that he indeed hadn't asked for permission to plug his car into the outlet, because it was a Saturday morning and no one was there.

But the on-the-spot Ford would have none of that falderal. “A theft is a theft.” When asked if he'd make the same arrest if presented with the same circumstances later, he answered “Absolutely!” with gusto.

For Ford's persistence in bringing down a vicious criminal which, unchecked, might someday even try to recharge his cell phone at some unwary local business, Sgt. Ford as well as the Chamblee Middle School are this week's honored recipients of the illustrious “gAssHat of the Week” award. Bravo, sirs, bravo.